Life is good!

Life is good!  Life is good!!  I am trying to re-train my brain.   Out with the negative and in with the positive.  I would love to do a poll on how many people, maybe, those, reading my blog, that are feeling depressed or unhappy.  I hope the cause isn’t due to reading this blog!  If so, please stop reading it.

Everyone is so busy being busy they are not experiencing the “now”.   My goal is to feel better, get happy and learn to relax.   If I can make others happier in the process that would be a bonus and something to cross off my bucket list.       Maybe we need a forum to share ways or tips to feel more fulfilled and happier in life…with no drugs or alcohol.   Ok, I didn’t say it would be easy to do and have no idea how to create a forum.  Who knows…I may look into that in the future.

I’ve had depression over the years and Dr. Dick tried various medications on me.   He was practicing his prescription writing and his practice was never perfect!    I personally don’t like medication and even if I tried some antidepressants,  I would often wean off within 60 or 90 days.  None seem to work for me.. So I don’t take anything.  However, if it works for you and you need medications, carry on.

So, I, of course, resorted to Dr. Google.   I actually found a diagnosis that sounded like me called Dysthymia.  I have not confirmed any of this with any healthcare professionals….   It is a mild, chronic depression which is less severe and has fewer symptoms than major depression.   It can linger for a long period of time, often two years or longer.  In my case a lot longer.  Sounds like me however I can’t be sure I have this and honestly I am not sure any healthcare professional would be able to confirm either.

More importantly, I recognized years ago, that I need to find more joy in life so I reflected on when I actually truly feel happy.    Thinking..still thinking.  I actually find it difficult to find or pinpoint anything specifically…    Sure,  getting married is up there..hard to remember that far back.  It is approaching the 28th year and life gets in the way.     Having kids…yeah definitely I am happy I had 2 wonderful boys.  It sure hurt for them to come into the world and continues to hurt in many different ways ongoing… Even when I go on vacations, out of country, I only get slightly excited and just go through the motions.   Packing feels like a chore, getting the foreign currency…it is all a big to do list to get done.   No joy.    I decided to ask my Mother, who I am really close with, if  she ever remembered me being happy even as a child.  She chuckled, ahhhhh, actually not really!   Now, your mother should know and if anyone knows me, it is my Mom.

So having being diagnosed with a serious illness like cancer, I think it’s time to master this happy thing and be grateful for this good life.   So in re-looking at this goal, it is important for me to still be me, my true self.   I am a realist, pragmatic and always looking for better ways to do things…    Anyone who knows me, knows I tend to be blunt, to the point, and say it like it is….oh and sarcastic at times.

The most joy for me comes from hanging out with friends and family.  Sharing various experiences with the people you care about is what it’s all about.  People won’t remember exactly what you said or what you did but they will remember how you made them feel.  My good buddy and mentor Carol told me that and it certainly rings true to me.   I often find the humour in the way things are approached or done and am quick to quip about how silly things are done… That’s just me.

I just love people, all kinds!  This doesn’t mean they are all wonderful and all my best friends, I enjoy meeting and learning from the people that come in and out of my life.  I do try to surround myself and hang on to the ones that are genuine.  Once I let them into my inner circle they are pretty much there for life.

It is funny how the universe is surrounding me with so many different people that are fascinating and interesting.   For example, the people at my exercise studio that I have been frequenting for over a year now, are some of the happiest people you could meet.  It is absolutely infectious.   I take Kelani dance and the instructor says her mission in life is to spread Alofa.   I am thinking yes, I can be aloof or cool and distant.   Apparently it is Samoan and means to spread love.  She practices what she preaches and always has a smile on her face, comes in and gives everyone a big welcome hug.   The owners of the club are also down to earth and very caring and have really built a strong community of people.

I have also met others on the train that I take to and from work.  Interestingly enough, 2 of the 6 ladies have had breast cancer or are currently battling breast cancer.  I swear you meet everyone for a reason.  One of the dolls even worked for the Canadian Cancer Society..  We started a coffee club recently and plan to meet every quarter.  Interesting bunch.

My dear friend, Irene, one of the most resourceful people I know, told me she read something in a Canadian Living magazine that hit home for her.   She said negative thoughts are “velcro” while happy ones are like “teflon”.   That is a great visual…and it stuck to me too and I can’t shake it, probably, because it isn’t easy to shake off velcro.

By the way, Mary called me yesterday, I think she missed my voice.  She must of taken my advice and asked Dr. Deli if it’s normal to have appointments so far out in the future when the oncologist appointment was to be expedited.  Apparently, Dr. Deli said it depends on the availability of the appointments and if I was concerned to follow up with the oncology doctor.   I thanked Mary for following up however told her I already took care of it and all the appointments are for tomorrow.   She was surprised and said you are way ahead of it…  OK, dah, I felt like saying it has nothing to do with availability or I wouldn’t have been able to secure those time slots.   My sarcastic self felt like saying, Mary, you met me for your training purposes…glad to be of service.

So in trying out my happy new attitude, I am so looking forward to a fun filled day of medical tests tomorrow!     Mammogram & ultrasound will be done in a.m. and then the bone scan in afternoon for approximately 2 to 4 hours..  Fun-filled day at the hospital, I wonder if I will find Percy’s brother while I am there for the day.  I will have to tell him the mess he made of Mike’s intestines..

I will then head down to have a celebratory Birthday celebration for my oldest boy who is turning a milestone birthday, 25 years old, tomorrow on Feb 23rd.  This birth date is also shared with my nephew!

Cheers to a Happy Friday and Happy Birthday!

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